Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
