so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
