when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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