Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
