it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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