You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
