i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
