Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize