Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
