My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
