I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
