I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
