So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
