Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
