VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Operation Purity has been aborted
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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