when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
