phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
