Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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