that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
