My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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