I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
