His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
