Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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