I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
