you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
