Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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