Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
These tits shall not be calmed
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
