we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
