I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
