Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
