Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
