...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
