dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Is Oprah even human
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
