Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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