I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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