so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
