Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
