Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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