Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
