i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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