I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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