...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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