i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
