all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
