Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
