I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
