the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
