I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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