We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
