To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
