At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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