Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
