Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
