I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I have post one night stand depression
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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